witching hour

and evolutions

Many say that in early sobriety, cocktail hour is the witching hour. Early evening, dusk or sunset, the work day is wrapping up and it’s time to reach for the bottle. This historically has been true for me, as well, in the past- particularly Friday evenings. Woof. I remember that first fall, when the sunsets were still pretty late and I’d go out to the orchard and white knuckle my way through it. Probably should have tried a meeting, and I often did, there’s a reason there are so many meetings at 5:00. But I didn’t want to do a meeting every night, so there were many nights that I just willed myself through. One moment at a time, not even thinking about days. My first sober summer up at Bread Loaf, I remember being more present for this hour, the sun late streaking color over the meadow, just so so beautiful, and someone pulls out their bluetooth speaker and everyone puts their books down and picks up a nice glass or can or bottle of something. But the colors were brighter for me that summer because I remember them. I still hold so tightly to that.

(there’s me, that fall- i see her, i know)

But tonight I realized that for me, my witching hour has moved. I can keep myself busy through the early evening, taking Carl for extended walks, thinking about and then executing some kind of dinner situation, making sure I have something to bring for lunch tomorrow. And then, after all that. Then what.